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• Violating the Ten Commandments

They’ve given us plenty of fodder for some wonderful books, movies and TV shows, far more than I could begin to name. They also make for fine documentaries and news reports. They’ve changed over the years and have become a shell of what they once were, at least in this country, but still, they remain captivating. Sure, there have been countless killing and intimidations and they may be somewhat counter to our love of democracy, but I have to say, it’s hard not to like the Mafia ... at least a little bit.

Yeah, I know, it’s hard to like something that’s so obviously wrong, but I feel sort of bad for them regardless. Those fellas were on top of the world a few decades ago, but now they seem to be a dying breed. Sure, there is still organized crime all over, but most of it isn’t the old-school Mafia anymore, the Cosa Nostra. When they were on top, it was a sweet little system, at least if you were a part of it and you didn’t piss anyone off. Somewhere along the way though, members began to lose their loyalty. They would rather rat out their buddies than do some time in the pokey and it all began to fall apart.

Last week, Italian police raided the house of Salvatore Lo Piccolo near Palermo. Wow, with a name like that, you probably don’t even need your Mafia ID card to get into functions. Anyway, the police found a list of the Mafia’s Ten Commandments. They differ a little bit from the ones laid down by God, but probably not all that much. They are a little tough to accomplish, but then again, so are the ones in the Bible. If nothing else, it would probably be pretty clear where you stood if you violated one of the rules.

In fact, the preamble says “I swear to be faithful to the Cosa Nostra. Should I betray, my flesh will burn.” Yep, that’s scary and it’s also very important to remember that they really aren’t being drama queens about all of this. You piss them off and you’re going to wish you hadn’t. Death is a very good incentive to follow the rules. Plus, you know it’s gonna be Old Testament scary. Plagues, floods, smiting are all terrifying, but three or four big rat bastards in sweat suits cutting off your fingers with a pair of pliers before they shoot you in the head is not a walk in the freaking park either.

It almost makes me laugh that they wrote their little code down. “Okay, so we’re gonna extort money, sell drugs, kill people, run prostitution, whatever else we happen to think of, but we’re still gonna act like gentlemen. Are you fellas getting all this? You know what, screw it. I think we should probably write it all down just in case. You bastards never listen.” They didn’t actually call them commandments, but rather “Rights and Duty.” Let’s have a closer look.

They aren’t supposed to hang out in bars. Um, well, judging from what I’ve seen in the movies, they must not follow that one all that closely. That’s okay. We don’t really follow the real Ten Commandments all that closely either. They also aren’t supposed to befriend police or be late for appointments. See that’s just funny. I get the police part, but I would think tardiness is a luxury almost any Mafioso would enjoy.

This one makes no sense either. It keeps them from “taking possession of money that belongs to others or other families.” What the piss is that? The entire freaking organization is pretty much based on that principle. It’d be like if the dog catchers code was to not catch dogs. Maybe it’s like the “don’t hang out in bars” rule, sort of up to your own discretion. “You shall not look at the wives of our friends” and should also respect your own wife. Wow, the further I get along on these, the less I imagine them following any of these dumbass rules. So, you can respect your wife, but you also must be “available to the Cosa Nostra at any moment, even if your wife is about to give birth.” See, they should really change that to “respect your wife until she sort of gets in the way and then kick her ass to the curb.”

They also close it up with some application rules which seem a little odd. Apparently, you can’t join up if you have very bad behavior and no moral values. Geez Louise, I mean, it’s a fine rule and all that, but you should probably look around a little bit and see if it really applies to your particular group. In fact, I would think that would be the first freaking thing you would look for in a mob employee.

It’s fine in theory, I’m sure, but completely different in practice. When it’s all said and done, it’s just like any other set of rules people come up with. It’s easy for everyone to agree that they are a good idea. It’s also easy for everyone to agree that they are good rules for others to follow. The problem comes in when each individual has to follow them. Rules are generally set up to function in a perfect world and that’s seldom the case, especially in the mobster game. It’s no wonder they’re going out of business.