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Dear Rice and Ruin,

I was offended by your use of LGBQ instead of LGBT in the Dec. 21-Jan. 3 column entitled "Don We Now Our Gay Apparel." See the definition on Wikipedia: "LGBT is an abbreviation used as a collective term to refer to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender people. It is an adaptation of the abbreviation LGB. While still controversial, it is considered less controversial than 'queer' ... and is more comprehensive than 'homosexual' or simply 'gay.'" "Queer" has many negative connotations to older people who remember the word as a taunt and insult,

a usage of the term which has continued. Many younger people also understand "queer" to be more politically charged than "LGBT."

-M.

Kate's Response

Hi M.,

Thanks for writing in! I understand how the word "queer" may have been offensive so let me explain why I chose to use it. As a member of the "gay" community, I understand that this community is huge and incredibly diverse. I don't expect every person to be in agreement on what terms to use. I do know that I need to respect how others identify and I deserve the same.

I am a queer woman. "Queer" is the term I feel most comfortable using to describe my sexual orientation and gender expression. While some may not like how I identify, it's my right to use that term to describe myself and my community. By community, I mean there are a lot of folks who, like me, feel the terms "lesbian," "gay" and "bisexual" are too limiting or just don't fit as a way to describe who we are or what we're about.

There is a growing number of people, especially younger folks, who use "queer" in an empowering way. But language is loaded and "queer" has an intense history. Even today it is used as a way to gay bash. But a negative history isn't all the word "queer" has.

Gay rights activists began reclaiming the word "queer" during the late '80s and early '90s as a new umbrella term that folks could come together and organize under. It has been reclaimed and used with pride by many ever since.

Is there controversy surrounding the word queer? For sure. Is it politically charged? You bet. It is in part due to that controversy that I appreciate the word ... let me explain. Being queer in a straight world is politically charged.

When I kiss my girlfriend in public it is considered by many to be controversial. I appreciate a term that acknowledges the controversy I live through every day and connects me to a past of social justice activism and empowerment.

I advocated that Kim and I not include the "T" at the end of "LGB" in this column because nowhere in the column did we address coming out as transgender, so I felt it would be inaccurate and dismissive to simply tack on the "T" without allotting the space to truly address coming out as trans, which can be a very different process than coming out as lesbian, gay, queer, bi, etc. This difference is in part due to the fact that our society has even stricter standards and expectations around gender than it does around sexual orientation.

I fully support trans rights and inclusion, and I believe that trans issues need to be given space for discussion and not just added to the mix in a tokenizing way. In the past Kim and I have devoted entire columns to gender identity and trans issues, including a recent column in which we outlined local resources for trans folks and anyone questioning their gender identity.

Peace, Kate Ruin

Hi Kate,

Thank you for responding. I wasn't offended by the use of "queer," but was concerned about the replacement of "transgender" in the LGB acronym. Based on your explanation, I now understand your reasoning. I particularly appreciated your "I fully support trans rights and inclusion ..." statement because my son fits in that category and luckily he has a mother who is very open-minded.

-M.

Hi again M.,

Not only does your son have an open-minded mom, he has an ally who is willing to stand up for transgender inclusion! That is truly amazing and much needed. Thanks for your correspondence, and keep on speaking up!

Sincerely,

Rice and Ruin

Kim Rice and Kate Ruin are professional sex educators. Send comments, questions and fan mail to riceandruin@yahoo.com.